Saturday, April 15, 2006

not teaching-related.

i could've written about this on my other non-teaching blog. but all my real-life friends read that. and they'll find out soon enough what's going on. i'd rather not be the announcement to the world...or at least the people in my life. but i have to write about this somewhere...even if it's just for me. i'm rambling. big intro for something that to most of you won't be a big deal. but it is to me. in my little life, this is earth-shattering...or at least it's going to create a change of lifestyle...a huge change of lifestyle.
since i've written this big introduction, i feel there should be a drumroll or something...but there won't be.
just this. my boyfriend broke up with me. tonight at approximately two a.m. horrible time for a break-up *is there ever a "good time"?*
i thought things were going well *classic line from the dumpee, huh?* we went to a baseball game with a couple of friends. i drove *maybe that's why there was the two a.m. delay...i drove to and from the game. quite a distance.*
minor things happened in the least i saw them as minor once they were worked out.
then, standing on a street corner after bars had closed, i was dumped.
the thing that bothers me is the suddenness of it. it just seemed to come out of leftfield. i don't know if it was a split-second decision or something he's been thinking about for a while. i didn't really get a whole lot of explanation. i tried to get one, but there wasn't anything. not even an "i'm sorry." i thought that was a requirement. there had to be some sort of apology or remorse...even if it wasn't real...just to keep up appearances.

most of my friends are single. and at times i envied them. they had freedom. they could come and go as they pleased. the only schedule they had to worry about was their own. they didn't have to answer to anyone but themselves.
but i'd think of what i had, and i'd consider myself lucky. i didn't have to deal with the dating drama they did. i had someone who was there for me...someone who'd help me out on fieldtrips. and someone to come home to. and cry to when i had a bad day. someone who'd workout with me and push me to do better than my best. someone who liked hearing my work stories and tried to understand what my job is like. i had someone who told me he was proud of me. i had someone who loved me *at least i thought so*.
it took me a bit to realize i wasn't really losing my freedom...i mean, i was somewhat. but i gained so much more in return. i don't know if i appreciated all i got in exchange.

but, no more stuff...just freedom.


M said...

oh hon. I'm so sorry *hugs*. Those things will all happen again, it's not lost forever!

Ms. H said...

What a blow...I'm so sorry to hear that this happened. Please let me know if you need anything -- even if it's just someone to listen while you process through it all, ok?

Ms. Teacher said...

I am so, so sorry. It is never easy to end relationships and begin anew, but try to think of all the new possibilities. Like most, I’ve been through that heartache a few times myself and I’m reliving a little bit of it now for you. Just remember, everything will get better. There is someone more suited to you just waiting for a shot.

the anonymous teacher said...

thanks for the support. i've had my essays to keep me busy (love all the work the job requires at times like these).
most people have been broken up with before, and i'm no exception. i'll get through it.